How to be More Empathetic to New Mother

I’ve wanted to write this blog for a long time, but was unsure how to communicate what I was seeing.

Since becoming a Mama, almost one year ago, I’ve noticed a strange pattern.

Many, definitely not all, but many Moms-of-older-kids (adults kids) seem to want to relate to my experience by comparing it to their own experiences.

Although I like to think this comes from a kind place, there are a few problems with this approach.

First, everyone’s experience is beautifully and unique. By comparing your experience to someone else’s you are taking away from their current experience, and their feelings. When this happens we are invalidating their experience, and it can come across hurtful and rude.

{obviously, there are exceptions to this and sometimes as humans we do not know any other way to connect, but how you choose to communicate in these situations is so important.}

Second, there’s a solid chance that they did not have the same experience you are having. It’s very rare for two people to have the exact same experience.

For instance, when this happens to me (and it’s happened soooo many times over the past year) it made me feel invalidated. I had a very different experience getting pregnant than these women, I am also having a very different postpartum journey than them. I am a full time stay at home mom and a full time entrepreneur, and many of these women went back to their (out of the house) careers at 6 weeks.

I fully support women going back to work whether it’s for financial reasons or because they truly love their job, women need an identity outside of Mom.

At the same time I fully support women stopping their careers and becoming full time stay at home moms, this by far is the hardest job there is IMO.

Womens on both paths should be validated in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When we choose not to listen, but instead to push our own agenda “yeah I remember what it’s like” … you get rid of any empathy or connection. Instead this Mama who was trying to open up to you, and perhaps be vulnerable with you, now feels railroaded and invalidated by your lack of empathy.

Moral of the story… let’s all be kinder. The world needs more kindness.

When a new Mom, or anyone, opens up about their struggles, their day or their story - allow it to be THEIRS. Actively listen and be empathetic.

Sometimes people just need someone to talk to, especially stay at home Mamas who haven’t talked to another adult all day, be that for them.

Photo By JOntel CHere